I love everything about Christmas: the lights, the cheer, the food and baked goods, the gift giving spirit, the parties and get-togethers, and most of all, the reason for the season, the birth of the baby Jesus. It has always been my favorite time of the year. I always dedicate a lot of time to preparing for the special day, and tend to go a bit out of budget doing so. I am not sure exactly why it is, but I am not fully in the holiday mood this year. Sure, I’ve bought gifts for everyone in my family, I’ve been listening to Christmas music religiously since October, and I’m planning on baking enough to feed all the elves in the North Pole, but something just doesn’t feel right this year.
I realized this as I was writing to J this morning, like I do almost everyday. I’ve narrowed down my humbug-ness two reasons:
1) I have a full-time job this year and didn’t even help with any of the decorations around the house. I plan on remedying this by not going to work tomorrow, even though the office is open. Nothing against my job, I just think it will help improve my mood.
2) Christmas is mine and J’s season. We met at a Christmas party last year and started talking exactly one year ago today, on Christmas Eve Eve. I’ve been feeling a bit nostalgic tonight, and remembering that first night that we stayed up texting the whole night. That night was the beginning of our relationship. Not being able to talk to him while he’s in basic training is getting more difficult during this time, since this time last year, we were already a part of each other’s lives.
I know I’ll get over it. I have to. Christmas Eve is tomorrow, and I really do not want to be a Scrooge and ruin Christmas for myself. I want to enjoy it, so it’s just a matter of accepting the cards I have been dealt and realizing that these cards aren’t all that bad; they could be worse. I have a good life, a great relationship with my boyfriend, and family that cares about me, so I think it is time for me to kick this Scrooge out from under my roof onto the streets.
But first, I will have some vino.