Over two weeks ago, I wrote about J leaving for basic training. At the time, I didn’t really know how I felt. I was happy and at peace with his departure and I still am but I didn’t exactly know what to expect and if I’m being totally honest with myself, I still don’t!
Being apart hasn’t been what I imagined it would be. I thought I’d be crying myself to sleep every night, holding on to his old sweatshirt that still smells like him. Or that seeing pictures of us together would make the waterworks come pouring out of me. But it hasn’t been like that. Sure, here have been times when I felt on the verge of those overly dramatic feelings but I knew I had to stop myself. Why? Because when i think about it, what would be the point in it all? He won’t magically show up at my door because he heard me crying from over 1000 miles away. It wouldn’t make a difference. It would only make things harder for me! I also know that he wouldn’t want me to be that way either. Also, I don’t want to be that girl. I’d like to think that I can keep it together a lot better than that. I do find comfort in his old t-shirt though and wear it to bed every night. And our pictures remind me of the great times we had together and of the great times we will have together again.
I miss him oh so terribly but I found that constantly staying busy is the best way to deal with it all. My classes and job keep me quite busy. J and I used to spend weekends together. With him being gone, I have more free time on the weekends. Besides doing homework, I now use my extra free time on the weekends to try out new recipes. I’ve been baking and cooking and I’m really enjoying it. There are times when I just wish J could try what I made but I tell myself that I’ll make it for him someday and when I do, it’ll taste way better than this first time. Maybe, just maybe, during this time apart, I’ll become the next Julia Child or something! Okay, pipe dream. Moving along.
I haven’t heard from him yet but it’s only been two weeks. Plus, these first few weeks are some of the longest in basic training so I can’t say I’m surprised he hasn’t had time to write yet. Still, I check my mailbox every day, hoping that’ll be the day I hear from him. I’ve sent him a few letters already. Writing to him about my day helps but I’m always worried that I’ll say the wrong thing and make him miss home even more. Or maybe I’m just being super paranoid for no reason. I tend to do that a lot.
I don’t know when I’ll get a letter from him but I’ll keep checking my mailbox and writing to him often. And pinning new recipes on Pinterest that I have to try but probably never will. There are just way too many to get to them all.